Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The "Man" in the Middle

We are seeing it more often. Wife, mother, missing, police, searches, "grievous" husbands left at home to continue "normalcy" in the face of tragedy. We've seen it with Scott Peterson, Stephan Grant, Drew Peterson and most recently, Josh Powell. These are only the big cases I can think of off the top of my head and they made national news. I'm confident there are many, many other cases but for one reason or another, hasn't made the major airwaves, yet.

I titled this blog, "The "Man" in the Middle". I think most people can grasp my italicizing the word man, simply due to many definitions of what exactly a man is. I don't mean a male, alone. I don't even mean husband or significant other. I mean the degree and quality of character. The men that these missing ladies were married to, for one reason or another, did not have the character or integrity to be my definition of "man". These spouses either had control issues, financial issues, mental issues or anger issues left unchecked. Their wives, from what understanding we can glean from the events leading up to each of their disappearances, became spouses that had, for one reason or another, turned elsewhere away from their marriage, to grasp a breath of air away from what had become suffocating. And that is what I mean by "in the middle". There seemed to be an outside influence of even minor consequence that made these wives either look elsewhere or simply became aware that the union they were in was not healthy. These husbands were no longer taking care of her in some manner, whether it be physically, emotionally or providing that sense of security that we all need. And because these ladies lost faith in their spouse or their marriage, these men were moved to react in violent ways.

Being disillusioned by a marriage is no reason to fear violent consequences. Why should disillusionment or problems jump to violence, rather than a marriage counselor or even divorce court? A few cases has been reported where the wife wrote letters or told friends that if anything should happen to them, they should suspect their husbands. What is it about these men that jumps past reasonable action and goes straight to violence and the subsequent lying and hiding until the truth and evidence comes back to bite them? And why do wives stay with men they have such strong fears about?

I don't know what the answer is. I do believe there could have been more protection for them from the police. Perhaps it was available and these ladies chose not to open that door. But I would encourage everyone that may become suspicious in any way about the relationship of a friend, neighbor, sibling, adult child to get involved. Encourage them to talk. Encourage them to get help. Help them as quickly and as much as possible. We have too many children losing their mothers, and subsequently their fathers, in crimes of passion. Let's help these families before they get to that point.


  1. I agree with you Scotty. good blog!
    xo Mona

  2. Very good, once again!