Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Not completely blank...

Well, I realized a lot of time has passed since my last post. I've hit another one of those times when nothing has inspired me to write. But I want to write and I read the other day that doing it is simply a decision to do it. So, here I am. No issue to stand on my soapbox about. Nothing terribly inspiring or thought-provoking to say. So, this is simply ramblings in my head lately.

I have one large thing going on in my head and stressing me greatly. But every time I try to voice or write about it, it gets so big and convoluted that I cannot possibly put it "out there". It turns into one HUGE whine. I try to leave it in God's hands. I know it can only work out because of Him. But there's a small part of me, a very human part, that thinks this one thing can even override Him. IT is a very intimidating thing. One that has left it's damaged marks on me from childhood. See? And even trying to talk AROUND it, it's getting bigger to talk around. So, that's enough of that.

My father died almost a year ago. I miss him. A lot. But I am so thankful he's no longer in pain and I picture him up in heaven all the time. I'm sure he's been getting all the facilities up there up to code and then some. He was a very precise person.

My baby is turning 20 soon. It's amazing how sometimes it seemed like he was never going to get out of stages or ages. In their moments, some of them seemed endless. But looking back, it seems to have all flown by. I made SO many mistakes. You often say you won't do the same things your parents did, but it was amazing how many times I heard my mother come out of my mouth. I KNOW I prayed so much that what mistakes I did make didn't permanently damage his heart and soul. He's such a fabulous young man, in spite of me. I'm very proud of him and anxious to see what God has planned for his life.

Well, that's just a sampling of some of the ramblings in my head lately. I wrote. For better or worse.

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